A couple of 12 months in the past, Isabel Steckel texted her 30-year-old older brother about hanging out the next afternoon. She obtained a one-word reply: “Certain.”
“In the event you’re bringing ‘positive’ perspective, then let’s not do it,” Steckel countered. “And he mentioned, ‘lol,’ and I mentioned, ‘I’m not kidding, lol.’”
This Could, the New York Metropolis-based comic shared a screenshot of this dialog on X, previously Twitter, and obtained greater than 11,000 likes. The “positive” haters rose as much as share how answering “positive” sounds passive and dispiriting. A “positive” texter apologized in a reply for the violence he had “inflicted whereas making an attempt to seem simple and breezy.”
That is solely the most recent entry in a perennial and repeatedly divisive debate over what “positive” actually means. One Reddit person within the subreddit for “unpopular opinions” declared that the phrase “positive” is “synonymous with ‘sure’ and shouldn’t be related to sarcasm and perspective,” whereas a commentator for the Define wrote in 2018 that the phrase is “essentially the most passive-aggressive affirmative phrase” that’s “a thumbs as much as your face, and a jerkoff movement behind your again.”
Clearly, we’re not positive about what “positive” ought to imply.
Though the dictionary which means of “positive” is affirmation and certainty, its which means may be something however sure however in a textual content dialog.
Why “positive” sounds so passive and indecisive in texts, in accordance with a sociolinguist
Steckel mentioned the phrase’s which means is context-dependent. She famous that replying “positive” for an errand or activity is ok, however it sounds extra devastating to listen to when you find yourself inviting somebody to spend time with you.
“Asking somebody to hang around for me is sort of a very susceptible transfer. So once I’m getting that ‘positive,’ I’m like, ‘Alright, fuck it. I’m not doing it,’” she mentioned.
Steckel mentioned a “positive” reply seems like the opposite individual would quite “die than hang around” and “forcing somebody to hang around with you is the worst feeling on this planet.”
The issue with “positive” is that it sounds extra tentative and fewer enthusiastic than an outright “sure!” or “completely,” particularly while you shouldn’t have physique language or vocal cues to reassure you.
“Certain is form of indecisive, or has sort of a hesitant high quality to it. Like, ‘Do need to go to the flicks?’ ‘Certain.’ Do you actually need to go?” defined Georgetown College sociolinguist Cynthia Gordon.
Gordon mentioned the completely different meanings of “positive” may additionally be generational. “The youthful technology expects extra enthusiasm in texting usually than older of us do,” she mentioned. She additionally famous that “girls are inclined to anticipate extra of these express markers of enthusiasm.”
In a textual content, the size of a message may tackle outsized significance within the absence of in-person cues. Just like why a one-word “OK” or “okay” reply sounds so alarming and curt to obtain, shorter solutions indicate lesser effort.
In the meantime, Gordon mentioned that the hassle to write down a full sentence or to write down some additional exclamation factors suggests, “Yeah, I actually am smitten by this.”
It’s why a one-word “positive” stirs doubt, however “positive factor” ― my very own commonplace reply ― can sound barely extra real, in case you are really all the way down to observe by means of on a request.
One useful tip should you do get a bland “positive” is to take a step again and keep in mind that it’s not mechanically an indication of disinterest. Gordon mentioned each individual thinks their very own manner of communication is the pure manner and “all of us should be extra beneficiant in our interpretations.”
Gordon cited the “Key & Peele” sketch between comedians Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele as a traditional instance of this. Within the video, “there’s an entire miscommunication simply because one individual misinterprets the opposite’s sort of quick, informal messages as being like, ‘I don’t care, I don’t care.’ However that’s not what’s occurring,” Gordon defined.
Within the sketch, it’s not till the anxious buddy character sees his smiling buddy’s face on the bar that he realizes that his buddy really needed to hang around with him. It’s a reminder that in-person intonation can present extra helpful details about the state of your relationship than only a one-word “positive” textual content.
However till you meet up in-person, it doesn’t harm to present your dialog companion slightly extra reassurance.
“I might be much less joyful if I invited somebody someplace they usually mentioned, ‘Certain.’ I feel I’d need extra enthusiasm for some social sort of engagement,” Gordon mentioned. “In the event you’re making the hassle to attach with someone, and sort of put it on the market that you just do one thing collectively and the opposite individual says, ‘positive,’ it wouldn’t meet my expectations for suggesting it was going to be an excellent time.“
Padding your “positive” with a cheerful exclamation and even an additional phrase or two could make it clearer that you’re really agreeable to what the opposite individual is saying. “I do assume a ‘positive’ with an exclamation level is worlds completely different than only a regular ‘positive,’” Steckel mentioned.
All to say: You may be “positive,” otherwise you may be “positive!” Do you need to presumably ship your buddy or member of the family into an anxious spiral or do you need to spend one further second including that bubbly exclamation level or additional phrase?
The selection is yours.